Understanding Narcissistic Abuse
Understanding Narcissistic Abuse
By: Lindsey Stanley, LCSW
March 11, 2025
Narcissistic abuse is a form of psychological and emotional manipulation inflicted by individuals with narcissistic traits or full-blown narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Unlike physical abuse, narcissistic abuse is often subtle, making it difficult for victims to recognize until they are deeply entangled in the cycle. This type of abuse can occur in romantic relationships, families, friendships, and workplaces. Understanding its signs, long-term effects, and pathways to healing is crucial for those who have experienced it or want to support someone who has.
What is Narcissistic Abuse?
Narcissistic abuse is characterized by behaviors intended to control, manipulate, and diminish another person’s self-esteem and autonomy. The abuser seeks validation, power, and control, often at the expense of their victim’s mental and emotional well-being.
Common Tactics of Narcissistic Abuse
Gaslighting – Making the victim doubt their reality, memories, or perceptions.
Love Bombing – Overwhelming the victim with excessive attention and affection in the beginning stages to create emotional dependence.
Devaluation – After the victim is emotionally invested, the abuser shifts to criticism, blame, and put-downs.
Triangulation – Bringing in a third party (such as another romantic interest, friend, or colleague) to create jealousy, competition, or insecurity.
Silent Treatment – Withholding communication to punish and control the victim.
Projection – Accusing the victim of behaviors or feelings that the abuser is actually engaging in.
Financial Abuse – Controlling financial resources to create dependence and limit the victim’s ability to leave.
Hoovering – Trying to suck the victim back into the cycle of abuse with false apologies, promises of change, or guilt-tripping.
Effects of Narcissistic Abuse
The emotional and psychological impact of narcissistic abuse can be severe and long-lasting, often leading to:
Low self-esteem – Victims internalize the abuser’s criticisms and may feel unworthy of love or respect.
Anxiety and Depression – Constant emotional turmoil and fear of the abuser’s reactions can result in chronic anxiety and depressive episodes.
Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) – Many victims experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress, such as hypervigilance, emotional flashbacks, and difficulty trusting others.
Codependency – Victims often become enmeshed in unhealthy relational patterns, struggling with boundaries and self-identity.
Physical Symptoms – Chronic stress can manifest as headaches, digestive issues, sleep disturbances, and other health problems.
Breaking Free: How to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse
Recovery from narcissistic abuse requires time, self-compassion, and often professional support. Here are key steps to healing:
Recognize the Abuse – Awareness is the first step. Understanding narcissistic abuse helps validate your experiences and reduces self-blame.
Set Firm Boundaries – Limit or cut contact with the abuser if possible. Gray rock techniques (remaining emotionally unresponsive) can help when contact is unavoidable.
Seek Therapy – A therapist experienced in trauma recovery and narcissistic abuse can provide guidance and coping strategies.
Rebuild Self-Worth – Engage in self-care, affirmations, and activities that promote self-confidence and independence.
Surround Yourself with Support – Lean on friends, family, or support groups that validate your experiences and provide encouragement.
Practice Emotional Regulation – Techniques such as mindfulness, journaling, and deep breathing can help manage anxiety and emotional triggers.
Educate Yourself – Learning about narcissistic personality traits and the cycle of abuse helps prevent future entanglement with toxic individuals.
How We Can Help
Narcissistic abuse can be deeply damaging, but recovery is possible. Recognizing the signs, setting boundaries, and prioritizing healing are essential steps toward reclaiming your life. If you or someone you know is in a narcissistically abusive relationship, know that you are not alone and support is available. Healing is not linear, but with time, self-awareness, and the right tools, a life free from manipulation and control is within reach.
We have developed a curriculum catered to healing narcissistic abuse. Dr. Alicia Hawley-Bernardez created a therapy group specifically to aid in healing and understanding this type of abuse.
Please reach out to join today! Space is limited!
De-Stigmatize BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)
De-stigmatize Borderline Personality Disorder
March 4, 2025
By: Lindsey Stanley, LCSW
Breaking the Stigma: Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is one of the most misunderstood mental health conditions, often surrounded by stigma and misconceptions. For those living with BPD, the battle is not just with the symptoms of the disorder but with how society views them. In this blog post, we’ll explore the stigma associated with BPD, where it comes from, and how we can work to dismantle harmful stereotypes and foster a more compassionate understanding.
What is Borderline Personality Disorder?
Before diving into the stigma surrounding BPD, it’s important to have a basic understanding of what the disorder is. Borderline Personality Disorder is a mental health condition characterized by intense emotions, unstable relationships, and a distorted self-image. People with BPD often experience difficulties with regulating their emotions and may have impulsive behaviors, deep feelings of emptiness, and fears of abandonment.
The disorder can make it challenging to maintain steady relationships, hold down a job, or manage day-to-day life. But it’s essential to remember that, like all mental health conditions, BPD is complex and individual. No two people with BPD experience it the same way, and many individuals with BPD lead fulfilling, productive lives with the right support.
The Roots of Stigma
The stigma surrounding BPD stems from a combination of factors, including media portrayals, lack of understanding, and misconceptions about the disorder. One of the most harmful stereotypes is that individuals with BPD are "manipulative" or "unstable." This oversimplified view of the disorder often causes people to dismiss those with BPD as “difficult” or “dangerous,” which can lead to social isolation, discrimination, and even inadequate mental health care.
Another contributing factor to the stigma is the emotional intensity associated with BPD. Many people with the disorder experience extreme shifts in mood, often in response to real or perceived abandonment or rejection. Unfortunately, these intense emotions can be misunderstood as erratic or attention-seeking, when in reality, they are a reflection of the underlying pain and fear that often accompany BPD.
Additionally, there is a general lack of awareness about the disorder. Because BPD is often diagnosed in young adults, and because its symptoms overlap with other conditions, such as anxiety or depression, many people fail to recognize it for what it is. Misdiagnosis or the absence of a diagnosis can leave those suffering from BPD without proper treatment, which only perpetuates the cycle of stigma.
The Impact of Stigma on Individuals with BPD
The stigma surrounding BPD can have a profound effect on those living with the disorder. The social rejection and misunderstanding they face can exacerbate feelings of isolation, hopelessness, and despair. People with BPD may internalize these negative stereotypes, leading to lower self-esteem and a sense of shame about their condition. This can create a vicious cycle where the stigma worsens the symptoms, making it even more difficult to seek help or maintain healthy relationships.
For many, the stigma also creates a barrier to receiving the proper treatment. Due to the negative perceptions of BPD, individuals may hesitate to seek out therapy or medical support, fearing they will be judged or dismissed. Mental health professionals may even be influenced by these societal prejudices, leading to subpar care or a reluctance to accurately diagnose the disorder.
Breaking the Stigma: How Can We Help?
It’s time to break down the harmful stereotypes associated with BPD and replace them with understanding, empathy, and support. Here are a few ways we can challenge the stigma and foster a more compassionate approach to mental health:
1. Educate Yourself and Others
Knowledge is the first step in combating stigma. Educate yourself about Borderline Personality Disorder and share that knowledge with others. The more people understand the complexity of the disorder, the less likely they are to rely on damaging stereotypes. If you know someone with BPD, encourage them to seek out resources that can help them navigate their condition with greater understanding and support.
2. Challenge Negative Language
Language plays a huge role in how we perceive mental health. Words like "crazy," "unstable," or "manipulative" are harmful and misrepresent what it means to have BPD. Instead, focus on using language that reflects compassion and understanding. People with BPD are not their disorder; they are individuals with a range of experiences and challenges.
3. Support and Empower Those with BPD
If you have a loved one with BPD, one of the best things you can do is provide them with emotional support. Offer understanding when they experience emotional turmoil, and be patient as they navigate their struggles. Encouragement to seek professional help is also important, as therapy can offer valuable tools for managing the symptoms of BPD.
4. Advocate for Better Mental Health Care
Those with BPD often face challenges in accessing appropriate mental health care. Advocate for better mental health services, including training for professionals on how to effectively treat and support individuals with BPD. Proper education on BPD can help reduce the risk of misdiagnosis and ensure that people receive the treatment they need.
5. Promote Empathy
Ultimately, the key to breaking the stigma is empathy. Try to understand the pain that people with BPD experience on a daily basis. Recognize that their behaviors often stem from deep emotional pain, not malice or manipulation. Approach those with BPD with an open heart and a willingness to listen.
Moving Toward a More Compassionate Future
While the stigma surrounding Borderline Personality Disorder is still pervasive, the conversation is slowly changing. As more people become informed about the disorder and as those with BPD share their stories, society is beginning to shift toward a more empathetic approach.
It’s crucial that we continue to advocate for better education, more comprehensive mental health resources, and a culture of kindness and acceptance. By dismantling the stigma surrounding BPD, we can help those living with the disorder feel seen, heard, and supported, allowing them to live more fulfilling lives without the burden of societal judgment.
In the end, mental health challenges are part of the human experience, and everyone deserves compassion, understanding, and the opportunity for healing.
If you or someone you know is struggling with BPD, know that help is available. Reach out to a mental health professional who can offer guidance and support in navigating the journey toward healing.